👋 Hey guys, sorry I’ve been M.I.A. the last couple of weeks. Been a hectic time with work, travel, and frantically chasing my daughter around the house. I’ll be away on vacation next week so putting a whole bunch of content into this one. Hope you enjoy!

Well, shit, Alain. Way to aim for the liver with that punch.

Over the years, therapy, marriage, and general maturation have given me clarity on this statement. The majority of what I called my “personality” was just a jumbled assortment of defense mechanisms and ways to distract myself from vulnerable feelings.

Many of the “quirks” or traits that we presume to be our default settings (i.e. introversion, loud, argumentative, etc.) are the armor we chose to pick up at a young age. Mainly because it worked… for a time.

But at a certain point, its usefulness runs dry. Your stubbornness or acceptance of what you call your flaws begins to slowly tear the seams of the most important relationships in your life. It’s like lifting weights for years and realizing one day you’ve been overtraining the same muscle.

What that quote is trying to say is, you don’t have to be so loyal to the version of you that was just trying to cope. You can loosen the grip a bit.

Let yourself be wrong without spiraling. Sit in silence without filling it. Do less without feeling like you’re becoming less. (This is really just me writing advice to myself at this point). But feel free to use it if it’s applicable.

I think the gist of it all is that I’m starting to realize that the “growth” required in this phase of my life is no longer about adding more traits to my personality. Maybe this stage requires slowly removing the defenses that were never really me to begin with.

Well, suffice to say, this is one of the best novels I’ve ever read. Just a masterpiece from beginning to end.

I often heard it referred to as a "modern retelling of Cain and Abel," but that is much too simplistic. Steinbeck takes the story and makes Cain (in the form of Cal Trask) the most human character in this book. He’s not driven by evil, but by a desperate need for love from a father who seems to favor his twin brother, Aron. The tension of Cal wanting to be good, but not knowing how, is what makes him unforgettable.

What’s wild is that Cal and Aron don’t even fully enter the story until deep into the novel. By then, Steinbeck has already built an entire generational world echoing the same patterns of love, rejection, and rivalry.

Set in California’s Salinas Valley, the novel traces two families - the Trasks and the Hamiltons - as they unknowingly reenact the oldest biblical stories: Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, the eternal pull between good and evil. But beneath all of it, Steinbeck is really asking a deeper question: Are we bound by our nature, or do we get to choose who we become?

That’s where the novel’s most powerful idea (and the inspiration for my next tattoo) comes in: timshel — “Thou mayest.”

Not “Thou shalt” (commandment) or “Do thou” (obligation) but Thou mayest. We have a choice.

It’s a subtle linguistic tweak, but it reframes God not as a dictator, but as a giver of freedom. It means that we have the free will to choose between good and evil, rather than having our destinies preordained. That seems to be the ethos of all of the characters within this book. Timshel gives power back to the individual, suggesting that if "thou mayest" choose to be good, it is equally possible that "thou mayest not," giving us true responsibility. It serves as the ultimate message of hope and personal responsibility for the characters (especially Cal Trask), implying that one's past does not guarantee a predetermined future, and it’s always within our power to choose a new path. The word represents the central theme of the entire novel, placing the power over destiny directly in human hands.

That idea alone makes this book worth reading.

Also, Netflix is coming out with a series for East of Eden starring Florence Pugh. Excited for that to be released.

After reading Mere Christianity, I went down the Christian apologetics rabbit hole, which eventually led me to the legendary Timothy Keller.

Keller was the founding pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NYC and one of the most influential Christian thinkers of our time. I was choosing between The Reason for God and The Meaning of Marriage. Given that I’m married and had never really considered the Christian views on marriage, I opted for the latter.

Marriage is hard. But it is also, for me, the most meaningful commitment I've made. It's a true covenant — a commitment to give yourself fully to another being. While love is what sparks a marriage, it is not the engine that keeps it going. 

Keller’s argument is that marriage isn't about self-fulfillment or even love, to a certain extent. It’s about mutual fulfillment through mutual sacrifice. Real love is tied to obligation.

A few years ago, I would have pushed back hard on that. Why bring God into it? Why involve the Church? Why not just keep it between two people? I even made that call myself. In hindsight, I missed the point.

But marriage is about sacrifice. You don't become happy by marrying the perfect person and achieving your dreams. The goal is not to find the right person. The goal is to become the right person for someone else. And you only discover your own happiness after each of you has put the happiness of your spouse ahead of your own. 

In other words, you must be willing to give something up before it can truly be yours. 

As Keller puts it, "When the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give yourself to someone." 

This article was written from a perspective I wish I could tap into more often. It’s rare that you remember to marvel at the beautiful complexity of all the every items around you that we take for granted.

Gurwinder Bhogal’s Thoughts About Human Nature

Gurwinder is one of my favorite X follows. His tweets and megathreads exploring human behavior, cognitive biases, mental models, status games, crowd behavior, and social media are fantastic. Here are some of my favorites of late:

1. Set an alarm 3x a day,
2. Each time it goes off, ask yourself: 'How can I live this moment with more purpose?”

Purpose isn't found. It's followed, one moment at a time.

h/t @FU_joehudson

Love a good Pete Holmes special. It’s also the perfect title for his brand of comedy. He’s got such a "good-boy” demeanor and a mostly family-friendly clean set. Very enjoyable watch.

Thanks for reading!